How did I let it happen? How did I wake up one day to find myself at 286 pounds and completely miserable in my own body? It happened, I can't blame anyone but me. And only I can fix it. So I am. On December 23, 2009 I had Lap-Band Surgery with Dr. John Marsden. I'm down 100 pounds so far with about 25 to go.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Burn Baby Burn!

I mentioned a little bit ago that we have been able to wear jeans to work for a few days because of it being "Spring Cleaning" around my office. I was a little busy and preoccupied last week with actual work that I didn't get around to cleaning out my cube until yesterday. I threw away so much old paper and junk! I packed up a few boxes of things to take home, some to keep and some for the garage sale.

Then while I was at it, I decided I wanted to move my computers around. I have 2 computers and 3 monitors at work. My main computer is a PC and it has 2 monitors. I do so much back and forth work that it is nice to have one program open on one screen and the other program open on the other screen. Then my other computer is a Mac and it is mainly for testing my website when I make changes. To make sure the customer gets the best experience possible when browsing :)

All of that to say that yesterday, since I did so much cleaning and moving around of my stuff that I burned a little over 2700 calories! That is the most I have burned in one day since getting my BodyBugg. I was thrilled with my numbers yesterday and overall had a deficit of 1321 calories. It was a good day.

I just went down to our Rec room and played a couple of Wii Bowling games with my friend. And tonight I'm going to get a pedicure with Beth, to celebrate her passing the 90 pound loss mark! Then I'll be going home and watching some episodes of The Wire. That is an awesome show!

I'll leave you with a picture of my newly cleaned and reorganized cube! Enjoy :)

Monday, April 25, 2011

Much Needed Break

I have been struggling. As y'all have been reading. So I decided to take a few days off of counting. And that's what I did this weekend. Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I didn't log any of my food. I tried not to go crazy or anything and I kept wearing my Bugg, but I just gave myself permission to not log anything. And it was wonderful. So nice to just not worry about it. I had a milkshake at the movies yesterday and it tasted amazing! I had nachos for dinner on Friday and they were delicious. I think it was just what I needed. Of course the scale was mad at me this morning, but I just laughed it off. It said I was up 5 pounds! There is no way that is even possible! So I'm back at it today and I feel really good.

I hope everyone had a nice Easter weekend. Summer is coming and I am excited to get in the pool. It is my zen place. I swim, sure. But I more enjoy lounging on my raft and listening to the water spill over the spa. We have lots of dragonflies around my pool, if you are still they come and land on your toes or fingers. It is super fun to watch.

That's about all for now, til next time ...

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Broken Record

I feel like a broken record these days. I'm wearing my BodyBugg, I'm logging my calories, I'm burning more than I'm consuming. Yet the scale doesn't budge. I know we all go through this, but I'm still frustrated. And I'm tired of being frustrated.

I have been lacking on the water though, so I'm trying to bump that up. I'm not sure what else I can do right now. Aside from things I have no intention of doing that is ... i.e. becoming an exercise freak of nature. I have to keep telling myself that numbers don't lie. And that eventually - as long as I keep doing what I know I'm supposed to do - it will all even out. I have to believe that!

On a possibly exciting note, this week we are doing spring cleaning at work so we are allowed to wear jeans every day. Yesterday I woke up and grabbed some jeans and put them on. These are jeans I've been wearing for a couple of months now. Old Navy, size 12. They were not fresh out of the wash, so they weren't really tight when I put them on. So during the day as I noticed they were pretty loose and I kept having to pull them up, I figured that was the reason why.

Fast forward to this morning. I take out a different pair of Old Navy jeans, size 12 (just a different shade of denim) and put them on. Now these are freshly washed, like just from last night and I had to get them out of the dryer this morning to put them on. And all day today I've been yanking on my jeans because they feel like they are falling off! I even put on a belt this morning and everything. Half way through the day I even tightened my belt up to the tightest notch ... STILL feel loose and like they are gonna fall off. Such a problem to have :)

Well, the sort of weird thing is that I have been measuring my waist and my hips at least once a month and they don't ever really change. I have a very rectangular shape, the difference between my waist and my hips is only 2 inches. Which makes it so awkward when buying clothes. My waist is one size and my hips are a totally different size (but I'm pretty sure I've lamented about that before, sorry for being repetitive!). Which makes me wonder, if my hips are the same size now as they were a week ago, why do these jeans that fit fine last week suddenly feel so loose?

THAT, my friends, is the question for the ages!

Have a great evening everyone ...

Friday, April 15, 2011

Difficult day

Yesterday started out alright. Nothing special. I was on track with my eating, my last day of mushies after my fill. I planned my meals and everything was going according to plan.

Well, we all know how plans go, right?

It's too ridiculous to try and explain and it wouldn't be interesting in any case. But basically some people at work didn't do their jobs on this certain task which is then causing the task to be late coming to me and it was implied that any extra time built into the time line needed to be absorbed by me so that the project still goes live on schedule. I pretty much told them to take a flying leap and that I shouldn't always be the one who has to scramble and rush at the end of the project because people at the beginning can't seem to keep their ducks in a row. And so now I have the project tasks handed off to me and I have found the usual amount of forgotten pieces of the puzzle, etc. etc. etc. I'm sure many of you have been in this exact same position once or twice in your lives.

So because of my stress level during the last 1-2 hours of work yesterday, my dinner plan of 450-500 calories went out the window and jumped to around 900. Thankfully that just means that I almost broke even yesterday with my numbers:

Burned: 1954
Consumed: 1961
Overage: 7

Today I am a little better, but I am still irked about this project situation and so my morale is not at its highest. I am trying to keep my head down, do my work and listen to my book. Only a couple of more hours to go before I can head home. :) The plan for tomorrow is to go to the zoo! We love the zoo here in town and usually go a couple of times a year. It is especially fun to take pictures of the animals.

I promise to be more cheerful next time I post ... thanks for listening to my grump fest.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Thank goodness for fills!

Why did I wait so long to get a fill? That's what this whole band is about isn't it? To use as a tool to help us when we need it. I have to remember that and utilize what I have in front of me. I was already down a little more on the scale this morning which is quite motivating. I'm going to have to go on a shopping trip soon. I'm kind of afraid to go shopping though. Different stores things fit so differently and I don't want to get frustrated. Plus, my shape is weird. My top is one size, my waist is a different size and my hips are a whole other size (according to most stores sizing charts) so what in the heck am I supposed to do? All in all I guess its not that horrible of a problem. We are talking do I get a size 12 or a 14? Am I a L or an XL? It's not like any of those sizes are bad :)

Other than that, things are pretty quiet around my life at the moment. I'm planning on participating in my neighborhood garage sale the first Saturday in May. Get rid of some unwanted stuff. That will be nice. I'm hoping the weather gets warm soon so I can get in my pool too! That's all for now ... have a great day everyone!

Monday, April 11, 2011

I'm Alive!

I promise.

It seems like I've been out of pocket forever! And really I don't have any good reasons for not posting. I was busy at work last week, but what else is new.

I've been keeping close track on my calories burned and calories consumed and while I am down in the scale department, its not as much as the numbers say I should be. It will all balance out, I am sure. I am feeling rather zen about the whole thing to tell you the truth. I don't know why that is. Logic over emotion at the moment.

This morning the scale read 179! I'm pretty excited about that. I also went and had a fill this morning. It was the first time since October 26th! I can't believe it has been that long. I kept wavering about whether or not I needed one. And I'm glad I went. I got .4 put in (bringing me up to a total of 5.5ml) and even the tech said "wow, you did need a fill didn't you?" ha! They said everything looked good anatomy wise. Pouch looks fantastic and my guts are in good shape :)

Tonight is my monthly support group meeting and I am so super excited to go! I love seeing my group and to hear the encouraging things they have to say.

Another thing that is going on is that I'm starting to notice that some of my clothes are getting to big again. I have some size 14 pants I've been wearing that were a little snug right out of the dryer when I first got them, but this morning when I put on a fresh pair right out of the dryer, I didn't have to suck anything in to get them zipped up. And the XL shirt I have on is a little hangy-off of me these days. None of it is so bad that I'm having to hold things up with a belt or suspenders yet, but its getting there!!

This weekend I did quite a bit of moving around. On Saturday we cleaned out 2 closets in the house. Put out a lot of trash and made up 4 or 5 boxes for a garage sale at the beginning of May. Then on Sunday, I went to see Limitless at the movies. I love Bradley Cooper! I could stare into his eyes for hours. I really enjoyed the movie and it even rated a mostly enthusiastic "It was alright" from my husband. Which for him, means that he enjoyed it. After that we went to The Container Store and got some shelves for my office/craft room to aid in my organization efforts. My muscles are griping at me this morning but I'm totally OK with that. They will get used to it.

Well, I better be off and get some work done before the day is all gone. Have a great day everyone, and keep on keepin' on!


Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Mid Week Madness

Actually, there is no madness going on :) I just had to think of a title for this post!

I went to the dentist yesterday for a cleaning and got a glowing report on my teefers. No cavities and everything looks good! Yay for flossing!

After my 'up 1 pound even though my numbers say the opposite' fiasco on Monday, I was too frustrated to weigh in yesterday. This morning I was a little more brave. 179.5. One Hundred Seventy Nine point Five. People. Do you know what this means?! It means I am no longer in the 180's!!! I've been in the 180's since October. Yes, you read that right. Since before Halloween.

I was born in 1971, so MY decade was the 1980's. My music, my memories, all of it. I love the 80's with a passion. Now I'm going to have to revise that. I love the 1980's. Because I no longer love the 180's :) Here's to the 170's and downward we go!

Monday, April 4, 2011

It's days like today ...

That make me want to scream. I did everything right last week. Watched and logged my food. Made sure to get in my steps and my calories burned. Drank a TON of water. Kept my spirits up and my attitude positive. And how was I rewarded this morning? I gained a pound.


C'mon life! Why you gotta hate on me like that?

The logical part of my brain tells me that this is no big deal, that this happens to everyone, that it is probably hormones or water retention or something else of the sort. That the scale will catch up with the numbers. Just be patient. Blah blah blah. Sometimes I hate the logical part of my brain. Sometimes I want to be illogical. Irrationally upset. Mad.

Pissed off that it is SO much harder to lose weight than it is to gain it. One thing I heard over and over and over before I got banded was, "You didn't put this weight on overnight. You won't be able to take it off overnight." That is a load of hooey. At least the putting it on part. I sometimes calculate how much I would eat in a day back before I cared what I ate. I know that there were days when I would eat over 10,000 calories. And I feel pretty confident that on most days I was hovering around the 5K mark. So let us do a little math shall we? Let's say I ate 5,000 calories a day and burned 2,400 (which is an estimate based on my activity level and the size I was). That is an excess of 2,600 a day. Take that every day for a week and equals a gain of just over 5 pounds a week. It would be nearly impossible for me to lose 5 pounds in one week these days. No wonder I get frustrated and upset!

Here I am feeling sorry for myself so I try to go for some inspiration and read some fellow bandsters blogs. And you know what I find? A lot of you out there are feeling the EXACT way I am feeling this very day! Frustrated. Upset. Disappointed. Tired. Defeated. Reading your blogs and knowing that I am not alone in my feelings and thoughts, that made me feel better. Not that I ever want anyone to feel the way I am feeling - but that I am NOT ALONE. None of us are alone. We all have the same struggles. We all have the same fears. We all have the same challenges. We all make mistakes. And we all will get through it. Together. And come out better people on the other side of this journey.

So thank you. All of you. For being there, for being you, and for sharing your pain and your joy. Please know, it does make a difference.

Friday, April 1, 2011

My very first BYOC!

Every week Drazil does a 5 question BYOC (Bring Your Own Crazy) and I've decided to join in this week! Here goes nothin ...

1. Are you superstitious?
  • Not in a crazy way, but generally I would say yes. I absolutely know that I have a voice that tells me things and I listen to it without fail. Past experience has shown me that if I don't, bad things happen.
2. You wouldn’t be caught dead where – wearing what?
  • Wow. I am a pretty modest dresser, so there are way too many answers to that question. I'd pretty much not be caught dead anywhere wearing anything too crazy!
3. What brand of perfume to you wear?
  • Chanel No. 5
4. Name five non-human things that you love and why.
  • Crafting (Knitting, Crochet, Sewing, Beading) - It's relaxing and fun and makes me feel like I've accomplished something.
  • TV, Movies, Music & Books - Awesome escape from reality!
  • My Pool - I love floating in the pool, listening to the water fall over the hot tub. It's my zen retreat.
  • My VW Beetle - I've always wanted one and finally got one almost 6 years ago. It is paid off and my favorite car ever! His name is Gus.
  • My Cats - They always make me feel so loved, no matter what else is going on in the outside world.
5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blogland and in real life.
  • Blog Land - I've actually not blogged very much this week :( Sometimes I can't think of what to say! I want to work on posting more often, I need to not over think what I am typing.
  • Real Life - Back to work after a week of vacation is not fun in any way shape or form. My oldest nephew turned 16 on Wednesday! My Daddy sent me beautiful flowers yesterday to work, so that was super awesome. And I'm soooo glad it is Friday!
OK, now I'm off for some ping pong in our company break room!