How did I let it happen? How did I wake up one day to find myself at 286 pounds and completely miserable in my own body? It happened, I can't blame anyone but me. And only I can fix it. So I am. On December 23, 2009 I had Lap-Band Surgery with Dr. John Marsden. I'm down 100 pounds so far with about 25 to go.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Y'all are awesome!

Thank you so much for all the wonderful words of encouragement to my last crazy ass post. Today is much better. Tomorrow will be even more better. (nice English, huh?)

I am working on possibly joining the BOOBS in Chicago! Currently trying to figure out the rooming situation and get the husband used to the idea of me going off for a fun filled weekend without him. Hopefully all will go well on all fronts and I will be able to go and meet all my inspirers! (I don't think that is actually a real word, but it should be.)

I'm having dinner with a friend tonight. She and I met in middle school ... aaaaaaages ago :) She lives in Oklahoma but is here for a few days visiting friends and family and so we are going to get to catch up. I'm pretty excited about it!

I am feeling much better about my line of thinking about this not being a race. I am already so much better off now than I was 2 years ago. And 2 years from now it will be that much more. I am channeling my zen thoughts and taking it one day at a time.

Oooohhhhhhmmmm ...

Monday, June 27, 2011

Slippery slope

Friends. I am sliding. I don't know why. I can't seem to grab on to anything to make myself stop. My willpower is nearly non existent. I need help.

I actually caught myself hiding food this weekend. That is something I didn't do very often, but I just didn't want to deal with listening to my husband tell me I shouldn't have those chocolate almonds, when I reallllllly wanted them. I knew it was bad when I was doing it. But I could not make myself quit. I need help.

I tried on about 5 different shirts this morning because I didn't like the way I looked in anything! I felt really fat and ugly in everything. I need help.

I have been looking around at y'alls blogs for inspiration. To kick me in the ass. I found 2 quotes that hit me over the head.

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” – Confucius
From Rachel at Rachel Thin Within

“You never fail until you stop trying.” - Albert Einstein
From Leslie at Band Sweet Band

I think I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself to hurry up and get to my goal weight. So much so that I might have snapped a little bit. I'm going to try and learn from Confucius and Einstein and slow it down. This is not a race. This is for the rest of my life. There will be bumps on this road, and apparently right now I'm on a part that needs some serious attention from the DOT!

I know that I will stumble. I know my friends and family will be there to help me back on to my path. I know my life will never be as it was. I have to believe that I will be a success. I know that I need to make more changes. But there is one thing that will never change ... I will always need help.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

So much for that ...

I'm not 100% sure why, but I sort of just quit my challenge on Thursday. I think it had to do with several things. Work stress, TOM coming unexpectedly, scale frustration, etc. I haven't gone completely off the rails or anything ... just kind of stopped being uber vigilant.

And you know what? I'm OK with that. I weigh less today than I did the first day of the challenge, and isn't that always the goal??? :)

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Checking in

Yesterday was not too bad for a Tuesday!

I don't have a lot of time (heading to see Spamalot with Beth tonight!) but I got out of my workshop and wanted to do a quick update before I make like a tree.

Today's Weight: Honestly, no idea. I didn't even bother to get on the scale this morning!

Burned: 2062
Consumed: 1403
Deficit: 659
Steps: 2876
Activity: 13 minutes

Short and sweet is the order of the day. Til tomorrow!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Better day, in spite of the numbers

Hello friends! I've been in a workshop all day which is why I'm only just now getting my info posted from yesterday. It was a super fun workshop though - for any web geeks out there it was about User Experience and how to create a website that customers will shop.

Anyhoo, I digress ...

Today's weight did not make any sense! It said 186.6. That is, it didn't make any sense until I started counting and realized that TOM is headed my way. (Warning: possible TMI coming your way) I have a Mirena IUD so my TOM isn't the same now as it used to be. The outward aspects are very slight now - if at all some months, but apparently the internal things (i.e. hormones, bloat, mood) are still there, so sometimes I forget. All of that to say that hopefully this is the explanation I was begging for about the weirdness on the scale and also my 'Bummer of a birthmark, Hal' mood from yesterday!

And now, on to the other numbers!

Burned: 1993
Consumed: 1307
Deficit: 686
Steps: 2293
Activity: 63 minutes

I will admit that because of my weight yesterday (and also possibly my mood) that I didn't want to eat much. Hubby finally made me eat something for dinner so I didn't starve myself. Not that I was really at that much risk ;) but you know, trying to be responsible blah blah blah.

I'm feeling better about things today although I'm quite hungry at the moment. They provided lunch during my workshop but of course it was a sandwich .. which I can't really eat. They did have some salad so I had a bit of that and thankfully I had some greek yogurt and cottage cheese in the fridge upstairs. Otherwise I think my stomach grumbling would have disrupted our afternoon session! I will make sure to bring some band friendly stuff for me to eat tomorrow during our lunch break. OH! I am super proud of myself that I didn't have any cookies or chocolate during the entire workshop! The presenters brought all these different kinds of chocolate truffles and then from the lunch they had a whole plate of different kinds of cookies. I was successful in refraining, so yay for me!

Anyway, that's about all for now. I hope everyone is having a great day. And, for those who didn't get my reference earlier, here is the Far Side cartoon that I was referencing. Enjoy!

Monday, June 20, 2011

Week 2 - Not off to a stellar start

I am going to warn you up front. I am not a happy camper today. I am blah and grumpy and kinda feel like crawling in a hole and crying. I would like for today to be over now. Although the next 2 days at work are going to be super fun, filled with (literally) all day meetings. At least after work for the next 2 days I have fun stuff planned. Hopefully that will get me through the daytime hours.

I want to be honest. I feel like quitting. Not quitting life with the band, not at all. Just quitting this challenge. I feel like I did pretty good during the week but then just absolutely blew it over the weekend. Take a gander at these numbers ...

Today's Weight: 186.4

Seriously? How is that possible? I honestly don't understand. Although, according to my numbers for the week that is exactly what it should be. Let's look at the math.

Starting weight last Monday: 187.4
Total calories burned for the week: 14,279
Total calories consumed for the week: 10,880
Calorie deficit for the week: 3,399 (1 pound = 3,500 calories)
Today's weight: 186.4

Pretty much explains it right? So, why was I 184.8 and 185.2 on other days this week. This is the stuff that I hate. (And also why I hate math in general!) Things never add up the way you think they should. I suppose if I hadn't gotten on the scale every single day last week I wouldn't be upset at this mornings number.

In the 'keeping me honest' vein, here are my numbers from yesterday.

Burned: 2019
Consumed: 2213 Thank you milkshake and chocolate almonds ... sigh.
Surplus: 194
Steps: 2387
Activity: 15 minutes

I know there are a lot of numbers in this post (At least Beth will appreciate that!) and for that I apologize. Numbers seem to rule my life right now. And I am not fond of numbers. Unless of course they say what I want them to say :)

I brought my lunch today, several low calorie/high protein things. So that is good. But mostly I think I need to stop talking about this before I really do start to cry, and seeing as how I'm at work right now, it is probably not the best time to do that, don't ya think?

Hanging on by a thread ... but still hanging.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Wow, Weekends are not easy!

I just got back from seeing Green Lantern (yum Ryan Reynolds!) and I was NOT good at the theater! I might have had some chocolate covered almonds. And a milkshake. Sigh ...

The scale hates me today. After my increasingly low numbers yesterday this morning I was up a bit. I had a deficit with my calories yesterday so I think it might be the nachos I had for dinner with all the salt. I'm trying to get in a bunch of water today to offset and hopefully flush it away.

Today's Scale Reading: 185.2

Yesterday's Numbers -
Burned: 1879
Consumed: 1508
Deficit: 371
Steps: 1295
Activity: 7 minutes

Isn't that just sad?! The only positive thing I can say is that I had a deficit. That's it.

So what I've learned yesterday and today is that it is hard to be good on the weekends! Do y'all have that same problem?

Trying to keep afloat ... til later friends!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Quick update

I'm not used to posting on the weekends!

The BodyBugg website is down for maintenance right now so I don't have access to all my numbers but I did write down my consumed and burned for Friday, so I can share that.

Burned: 1999
Consumed: 1620
Deficit: 379

My weight is a little bit of a mystery though ... I woke up early (actually the cats woke me up early!) and when I weighed then it said 184.8, which is the same as it has been for the past few days. I went back to sleep after feeding the cats and when I got up a couple of hours later I weighed again, for giggles. That time it said 184.6 - yahoo! But wait, there is more! Before I had my lunch I thought, oh what the heck .. and went for it again. This time it read 184.2!! So I'm not sure what to put down as the official weight for today. I'll see what it says tomorrow and then decide.

So as you can see, my numbers were not great for yesterday but I still had a deficit. I was so tired when I got home from work that I literally fell asleep in a chair. A nice big leather comfy chair, but a chair none the less. So I didn't get anywhere near the steps or activity minutes in that I needed to. But that is life!

Today has been a good day, I went and had a pedicure with Beth this afternoon. I decided to go patriotic for the summer, what do y'all think?!

I'll report in more tomorrow! Toodles for now :)

Friday, June 17, 2011

Day 5, Post 2

I was awarded the Adorable Blog Award, so I had to do my duty (hee hee, I said doodie!) and tell things about myself and the pass along the award. See the earlier post for the shocking revelations and the passing of the torch.

Now, back to our regular programming!

Yesterday was a hoot! After work I went over to my BFF's house to hang out. Her husband is out of town for 2 weeks at a training thingy in Maryland and wanted some company last night so away I went. We hung out and chatted for a while but then I didn't want to be a sloth all night so I suggested we do a little 'Just Dance 2' for the Wii. Now, since the 2 of us were the only ones there dancing - there is no crazy video to watch. But she did snap a pic of me after I collapsed on the chair following the crazy 30 minutes we spend dancing it up!

Dude! I was exhausted! I couldn't even take the Wii remote off my arm! But it was so much fun. The hardest ones were Crazy in Love (Beyonce) and Jump (Kriss Kross), but Girlfriend (Avril Lavigne) was super fun too! I highly recommend the game for anyone who wants a fun way to burn some calories.

The scale didn't move today, and I'm trying not to let that get me down. I missed all my calorie related goals yesterday - not horribly, but some. Although my steps and activity were above goal! Here are the days numbers:

Weight: 184.8
Burned: 2165 (85 shy of goal)
Consumed: 1503 (3 over goal)
Deficit: 662 (88 shy of goal)
Steps: 5268 (Thank you Just Dance 2!)
Activity: 43 minutes

I'm super glad today is Friday! And it is also payday in my world, double yay! Tomorrow, Beth and I are going to get pedicures (and boy do I need one) and then Hubby and I are going to Central Market in the evening to meet up with some peeps to celebrate a friend's birthday. I suspect that on Sunday we will go see Green Lantern, so woo hoo for Ryan Reynolds!

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Toodles :)

Adorable Blog Award

Thank you to Leslie from Band Sweet Band for giving me the Adorable Blog Award!!

The rules are tell 10 things about yourself and pass on the award.
  1. I am left handed and quite a fanatic about it. That is one of my favorite things about me!
  2. I have always wanted to have a swimming pool in my backyard, and now I do. Even though it is expensive and sometimes a pain with all the maintenance, I wouldn't change having one for anything. It is exactly as wonderful as I always thought it would be!
  3. I LOVE my car. Seriously. I've had several cars in my life and this is the only one that I've kept long enough to pay off. His name is Gus and he is a dark blue 2005 VW Beetle.
  4. I have a huge family. I have 1 older brother (Scott), 2 step-brothers and 4 step-sisters. All together they have given me 19 nieces and nephews. And no, I don't buy all of them Christmas and Birthday presents ... I need to eat!
  5. My older brother, Scott, is deaf. Has been since birth. My mom had Rubella when she was pregnant with him. He is quite amazing and I'm so proud to be his sister.
  6. I have 2 tattoos. One is my zodiac sign, Aries, with 3 stars (I was born in March) and the other is an Edelweiss flower, because I am of German descent. I want to get more tattoos! Lately I've been thinking about getting a Bluebonnet flower, to represent me being a Texan, and then for sure I want to get one to honor my Grandparents who have passed away. I want it to be Japanese style, a Koi fish and a Cherry Blossom. My Daddybear loved to fish and my Grandmother loved flowers and trees. And they both loved Japan, visited there a bunch of times ... so it is rather fitting I think :)
  7. I have 6 holes in my body that weren't originally there when I was born. 3 piercings in my left earlobs, 2 in my right earlobe and one in my left nostril. At this time I don't have the desire to get anything else pierced.
  8. I wish I could speak a foreign language fluently. My preference would be German. I took German for 2 years in college and really enjoyed it. I've been to Germany 3 times, it is my favorite country! But I'm quite shy in practicing because I don't want to sound stupid in front of people who can speak it!
  9. I love the smell of chocolate chip cookies more than any other smell in the world.
  10. My best friend and I have the same first and middle name. Only one small difference in spelling ... I am Deborah Lynn and she is Debora Lynn. And, the best part?!?!?! She is left handed like me :)

Now for my nomination ... I am passing the torch to my BBF (Best Banded Friend!), Beth at Beth Ann's Never Ending Quest For Something! Gooooooooooo Beth!!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Day 4, ... I got nothin'

Apparently the answer to my question yesterday was "Not for long" since I couldn't come up with anything fun that rhymed with 4 for my post title. Ha!

However, it is another good day here in challenge land! I weighed twice this morning because I couldn't believe the scale. It read 184.8. Seriously. No joke. And while I had an on target deficit yesterday, I didn't meet most of my goals. I just made up for it with my food choices. Without further ado, here are the numbers:

Weight: 184.8
Burned: 1918 (332 short of goal)
Consumed: 1127
Deficit: 791
Steps: 2666 (1334 short of goal)
Activity: 18 minutes (12 minutes short of goal)

Now you see why I weighed twice this morning. Sometimes the numbers just don't add up! But whatever, as long as they are going in the right direction I'm not going to over analyze anything.

I also am not going to try and make excuses for not making my calories burned, steps and activity goals yesterday. It is what it is. I did do laundry last night as I said I would, and as my maid is cleaning the house today I spent a lot of time picking things up and straightening so she could focus on the actual cleaning. And even with those things I came up short. But that's life sometimes! Right?!

Thanks so much to everyone for the encouragement! It means so much to me to read your comments. I laugh. I cry. OK, well maybe I don't cry ... unless it is from laughing so much :) But seriously, I can't thank y'all enough.

Make it a great day!

p.s. Go check in with Beth and make sure she is keeping up her end of the challenge!!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Day 3, Whoooopie!

I wonder how long I can keep that up? Making a rhyme with the title when going by day :) Ha!

Yesterday was easier than Monday, can I get a Hell Yeah! And other than the fact that I am quite hungry right now (almost lunch time). Today is even easier.

As promised, stats for the day.

Weight: 185.4
Burned: 2077 (173 shy of goal)
Consumed: 1467
Deficit: 610 (140 shy of goal)
Steps: 4035
Activity: 42 minutes

Mostly good! I was a little shy of my calories burned and my deficit for the day, but I see a lot of laundry in my future tonight and that will help out with burning a few extra calories tonight. Plus we need some cat food, so I'm about to make a trip to PetSmart which will give me some walking around time during the lunch hour.

Last night when I got home, I checked my numbers and saw that I was a bit behind on my steps for the day. So instead of just shrugging it off, I put on my shoes and decided to go for a walk around the block! Hubby went with me and we had a good time chatting and walking. Before we left I told him that I needed to get at least 1600 more steps in and he was all "Whoa! That is a lot of steps!", and when I informed him it really wasn't he didn't believe me. But less than 10 minutes later and 1 trip around our block and the next, we were safely over 1500 and I felt comfortable enough to head home. I had a few more trips up and down the stairs before I went to bed and made my goal with no problems.

On a side note to Ronnie ... I'm not sure if the guy from my support group on Monday was single or not, if he comes next month I'll be sure to scope out his ring finger! :)

Make it a great day everyone!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Day 2, Yahoo!

Day 1 went better than I could have hoped! I'm so happy!! Today's weight: 185.6. And here are some stats from yesterday:

Calories Burned
Goal: 2250
Actual: 2222 (A little less than goal, but not much!)

Calories Consumed
Goal: 1500
Actual: 1442

Calorie Deficit
Goal: 750
Actual: 780

Goal 4000
Actual: 4241

Goal: 30 Minutes
Actual: 42 Minutes

I could not be more pleased! And as you can tell, the number on the scale showed it this morning. I am also off to a great start again today. I have my meals planned out with a little wiggle room left over for a snack or 2 if I need it. I am going walking during lunch again today, not sure where. Went to Target yesterday - got 3 new shirts, a dress and a pair of shoes! Awesome huh?

Support group last night was awesome! There were several new people there, including a couple of girls who haven't yet been banded but are going through the process with their insurance. We have a couple of girls who are a few months out and a guy who has been banded for about 3 weeks, so yay! I love my support group and was so glad I got to go last night. It gave me the extra motivation I needed to do this challenge.

Make it a great day everyone!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Here we go!

Today marks day 1 of the Balls to the Wall challenge. I am going to try to post every day to remain accountable to myself and anyone who might be reading.

Beginning Weight: 187.4

This makes me uber sad. But I will not dwell on it, I will do my best and overcome.

Tonight is my monthly Lap Band support group. And even though Beth won't be there (something about a big fancy house, personal chef cooking dinner and ski doo's on a lake ... me = jealous) I'm still looking forward to seeing some of my other buddies and using the motivation from tonight to get me off on the right foot for my challenge.

I don't know that I have a specific goal for my challenge. Previously when I was at about 183 I had said I wanted to be firmly in the 170's by the end but I'm not sure if I can lose 10lbs in 2 weeks. Or if I even should try. So, I guess my goal won't be a scale one. I am aiming to eat right and get in my "exercise" every day during these 2 weeks. My BodyBugg has me set for consuming 1500 calories and expending 2250 for each day. That would equal 1.5 pounds a week. We will see if I stick to that or if I try to get all ambitious and stuff!

On a non-food topic, I saw 2 movies this weekend and they were both very good. Movie #1 was X-Men: The First Class. I am a fan of the X-Men franchise, and while partly that is because of my crazy love for Patrick Stewart - I have to say that I really enjoyed this movie. There were some fun cameo's and of course a lot of action.

Movie #2 was Super 8. If you have not seen this, you really should. I love how the ads really don't tell you what the movie is about and while I'm not surprised at the content looking back, seeing as how it is J.J. Abrams and Steven Spielberg ... I really didn't know what I was walking in to. I don't want to give anything away, but I will say that it took me straight back to my youth. It had a very E.T., The Goonies, Close Encounters of the Third Kind feel to it and that alone just made me smile. The actors were great and the dialogue was fantastic. Definitely, do not miss this one!

That's all for today, I will be back tomorrow with a weight update and to share how I did with my calories and steps!

Make it a good one!

Monday, June 6, 2011

That does not justify this

That = Balls to the Wall challenge starting next Monday the 13th.
This = The horrid way I've been shoving every single thing in the world into my mouth the past week and a half.


I don't even want to get on the scale. I did a couple of days ago and it read 185. That is 6.5 up from my lowest so far. WHY? Why do I do this? WHY? Why do I think it is OK? WHY? Why do I seem to be determined to not achieve my plan of being a healthy weight? WHY? WHY? WHY?

Now that I've gotten my inner 2 year old questions out ...

How is everyone today??? Other than the above, I'm doing really good today. I had a really nice weekend. Saturday I slept in a little bit, lounged in the pool for a while and then went to have dinner with Beth and some of her friends as part of her birthday extravaganza celebration :) It was delish and super fun. It was great to meet some of the people she tells me about!

Sunday we got up and went to the grocery store kinda early and then rested and hung out until time to go to my niece's graduation party. It was at my brother's house - which is like an hour away! Kind of far but not really. My niece is super cute and tiny. And while we were over there, my sister was saying that my niece weighs 105 pounds. To which I exclaimed, "Wow! I've lost a whole Lexi!" Ha! Makes it super fun to think of it that way. Lexi's mom, Lisa, is my sister-in-law who is also banded which makes it nice because I know there will always be some band-friendly fare to munch on at their house.

Today it is back to work and preparing myself for the Balls to the Wall challenge starting next Monday. Weening myself off of too much of everything lately will be easier than completely cold turkey next Monday, right? I hope!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Memorial Day Success

I completely and totally ROCKED the size 12 swimsuit this weekend! It was incredible! Well, it is a smidge tight, but that is OK. It will only get better from here on out.

I got to see my sister-in-law who was banded last fall and she looks WONDERFUL! We both enjoyed being called skinny all day :) OH! And since it was a cookout as well, I got a package of those Sandwich Thins to use as a bun for my cheeseburger. She and I both tried one and they work great! We toasted them for a little extra luck on our side, and then we enjoyed the heck out of those burgers! I highly recommend them to any banded peeps reading.

The rest of my weekend was good. Quiet in some times and crazy busy in others. I'm really glad I took a couple of extra days off before and after the party. Made it not feel so rushed to get everything ready and then cleaned up afterward.

Speaking of cleaning up. We had a new maid come and clean the house before the party and I love her! It also forced us to straighten and organize everything before she got there. I have been doing my best to keep it straight since then too. I hate having a messy and dirty house! A big problem is having to pick up after my husband. We feed off each others laziness. We do really good until one of us leaves something out one time and the other one is like "I'm not picking up their stuff!" and then it all snowballs. So I am trying to be the bigger person and just pick up anything and put it away no matter who left it out. I've noticed that he is doing better too, keep your fingers crossed it keeps going this easy!

12 days until my "Balls to the Wall" challenge!!