There. I hope you didn't hurt yourself :)
Today is alright. I finished the hat I started knitting on Saturday and I love it. I wore it in to the office today and was a smidge disappointed that nobody commented on it. I got a few odd looks, so I guess peeps weren't a fan. But whatevs, I love it and that is all that matters.
I ordered a bracelet and a ring from Stella & Dot through Amanda and it arrived today. I love them both! Esp the bracelet, because it is totally like a slinky! Good times.
I am going to yoga after work and while I really don't want to, I need to and I know I will feel good after its done.
Last night was support group and it was fantastic! I got to see my BBF, Beth and a couple of other ladies that are super fun. We talked about a lot of things and one thing really hit home with me. Why do we sabotage ourselves? I wish I knew. Because I totally do. After some discussion with the group and some emailing with my buddy Cat, I have determined that I am afraid to reach my goal. Afraid because I don't know what life will be like when I get there. At least where I am now is familiar. I'm not FAT anymore. I'm not thin either, but I'm way better off than where I was. I know how to deal with life at this weight. I don't know what it will be like when I get to 165 or 150. What if it is too hard? What if I'm still not happy with my size. What if pigs start to fly?! I know. Things that I shouldn't be concerned with right now. And it dawned on me why my weight loss has stalled. Since I am more of a "normal" size now, I am not working as hard on doing what I need to do to lose. It is not as urgent of an issue anymore. My health is not at risk. I am not uncomfortable. People no longer stare at me for being the fattest girl in the room. I blend in. So why should I sacrifice to keep going? Because. Because I don't want to give up. I don't want to only be "OK" with my size/weight. I want to be healthy and happy and beautiful and everything I know I should be.
I'm not going to make any huge proclamations about what I am going to do differently from today forward. Because I know that every minute of every day is a struggle. It will be for the rest of my life. I will have to take them one at a time, and convince myself during times of struggle that making the better choices more often than not is the best thing for me. It is what I need to do. I need to stop lying to myself that this or that or the other is not THAT bad. I need to stop making excuses and just get over myself and do it. Whatever IT is. I need to put my money where my mouth is and lead by example. It's time to get on with the getting on.