How did I let it happen? How did I wake up one day to find myself at 286 pounds and completely miserable in my own body? It happened, I can't blame anyone but me. And only I can fix it. So I am. On December 23, 2009 I had Lap-Band Surgery with Dr. John Marsden. I'm down 100 pounds so far with about 25 to go.

Monday, February 21, 2011


So this morning, the scale didn't like me. Even though my food journal shows I was only 431 calories over my weekly goal, the scale showed me up 1.5 lbs for the week. 1.5 lbs = 5250 calories. Not 431. I don't understand. I know I wasn't great last week with the eating, but I promise I wrote every single thing down that I put in my mouth. And I erred on the side of caution when I wasn't sure how many calories were in something. So how in the world does 431 calories translate into 1.5 lbs?!

I feel like a failure. I know that sounds completely absurd. I am consistently maintaining a 100 lb loss. That CAN'T be a failure. But that is how I feel today. I don't have a lot of motivation. It seems like whatever I do, I stay the same. I am hesitant to get a fill, I am afraid of having a dilation. And I feel like my restriction is fine. I don't eat too much at one sitting, I don't get hungry in between. Is it possible that this is just where my body wants to be?

I know I need to get with the exercise program. But I hate exercise. Seriously hate it. With every single one of my guts. The thought of exercise makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry. I don't mind activity. I like to ride my bike, I like to swim, I like to go on walks. And I do that as much as I can. Do I just need to accept that if I choose not to do strenuous exercise several times a week that I will probably remain pretty much where I am scale wise? And am I OK with that?

Typically in my life I have had a "give up when it's too hard" attitude. Life is too short to make myself miserable. I wish I could find a happy medium. And maybe I'm at it. I just don't know. Help!


  1. First of all...BIG HUG! Second, you know that you are not a failure because you are not a failure. Third, I totally know what you mean! I feel like I have gotten to that same place...that place where your body just "wants to be." But we have to push past that together!

    I know that sometimes I maintain or lose a little when I have done something I shouldn't have and likewise, I tend to retain when I feel like I should be losing. We just have to keep doing the right thing and eventually it will pay off!

    I wish we lived or worked closer to each other so we could work out together. Sometimes that helps. :) Keep at it, girlfriend!

  2. OK Debi, no frowns! You are doing awesome. Look for the not so obvious positive changes, that's what I do when I get down on myself. Spring is coming and that means pool weather and I know how you like to enjoy your pool...instant exercise without the thought of it being exercise! Keep up the great progress you've attain so far and don't look back.