How did I let it happen? How did I wake up one day to find myself at 286 pounds and completely miserable in my own body? It happened, I can't blame anyone but me. And only I can fix it. So I am. On December 23, 2009 I had Lap-Band Surgery with Dr. John Marsden. I'm down 100 pounds so far with about 25 to go.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Slippery slope

Friends. I am sliding. I don't know why. I can't seem to grab on to anything to make myself stop. My willpower is nearly non existent. I need help.

I actually caught myself hiding food this weekend. That is something I didn't do very often, but I just didn't want to deal with listening to my husband tell me I shouldn't have those chocolate almonds, when I reallllllly wanted them. I knew it was bad when I was doing it. But I could not make myself quit. I need help.

I tried on about 5 different shirts this morning because I didn't like the way I looked in anything! I felt really fat and ugly in everything. I need help.

I have been looking around at y'alls blogs for inspiration. To kick me in the ass. I found 2 quotes that hit me over the head.

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” – Confucius
From Rachel at Rachel Thin Within

“You never fail until you stop trying.” - Albert Einstein
From Leslie at Band Sweet Band

I think I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself to hurry up and get to my goal weight. So much so that I might have snapped a little bit. I'm going to try and learn from Confucius and Einstein and slow it down. This is not a race. This is for the rest of my life. There will be bumps on this road, and apparently right now I'm on a part that needs some serious attention from the DOT!

I know that I will stumble. I know my friends and family will be there to help me back on to my path. I know my life will never be as it was. I have to believe that I will be a success. I know that I need to make more changes. But there is one thing that will never change ... I will always need help.


  1. Posting was the first step! Next maybe you can outline a plan. Or do you want me to send my dr. over to you? Even though he did it in completely the wrong way...he scared me straight.
    And you are right - there is no race. Some of us a slower losers. Just ask me, I've wanted nothing more than to lose that 100 lbs. for over two years. Dangit! Not there yet, but I'll "Never give up. Never Ever Give Up." (I think that's W. Churchill)
    So do it with me. Are you on the BOOBS blog? Coming to Chicago? You totally SHOULD!! It's a fantastic motivator & you'll meet a bunch of super successful banded women from blogland AND we are starting a 'back to basics' challenge very soon.

  2. I'm in the same boat today, I just ate like half a bag of cotton candy. Sigh. If you wanna chat about it sometime, shoot me a message! :)

  3. I agree with Jen. Posting is the first step!

    We all stumble my dear but you know just admitting to having some struggles will help you move past them!

    This past week (that should read..the past month) I've been drinking and eating more then normal. No exercise...nothing. No weight gain but no loss either!

    But I think I needed that little time to remind me that this thing is a tool and I've got to work to get what I want!

    You'll get there! I know!

  4. We all have times where we feel the same as you. I don't know how many times I've done the whole "change the clothes because nothing looks right" routine. Just know that it too shall pass and to believe in yourself!!

  5. Sorry you're feeling that way! I think we all go through those time. Glad you were able to admit to how you are feeling and find some motivation on the blogs!